Bad places....

I think it's safe to say that we have all been in some pretty bad places in our lives. Some physically, some mentally, and some both... I personally fall into the "both" category.

Lately I have fallen more into the "mentally" category, and that's currently where I am. I have always been one that has been able to put on a "mask" that makes it appear that I am happy with where I'm at, and that nothing is wrong. When in reality, I hurt deep inside like many others. One thing I have learned is that no matter what "mask" you put on, it doesn't change what your true feelings are inside. It's never a good idea to hide your feelings, or bottle them up inside, it's only going to lead to bigger issues down the road. Believe me, I know it's easier said than done to NOT put on that mask, I still struggle with it from time to time, but you've got to try your hardest to express your thoughts and feelings, otherwise things will not get any better.

At this time I will not go into ALL the details of my issues with EVERYONE here...however, I have been able to talk through them with some close friends of mine, and it has helped. As odd as it may seem to some, I don't feel like my current state of mind has affected my poker playing lately, if anything, playing poker has helped keep my mind off of my other problems, which can be both good and bad.

For any of you out there that follow me..if ever you need/want someone to talk to about ANYTHING, just let me know, I will do my best to be there for you when I can. To anyone that would like to do some HH reviews, I am completely up for that as well... Just hit me up on Skype josh.orent is the ID....

Catch you all later!!

Mindset...

Even though this title is something that relates to poker, this blog has NOTHING to do with poker....just me....

Lately my mindset has been a bit of a roller coaster....Some days are obviously better than others, and though I know everyone goes through their rough patches, I can't help but think somehow my situation is a bit different.

In the past year I've done alot to try and change myself for the better, and give myself, and my children a better life. However here I am at the end of the year, not really any happier than I was last year at this time....maybe even LESS happier than I was then. I know people throw out empty threats at times, I can honestly say that if my life doesn't start taking a turn for the better, that I'm not sure I will see 2012....

Wrapping up the year...

Ok, first of all, I know the year isn't done yet, but as good as I've been about keeping this blog updated, I figured I should probably get a jump on it now ;) Not only that, but the world is ending today, at some point...though there isn't much time left here for it to end.(Those that have listened to Nick in the past should know what I'm referring to here). Happy Birthday Nick! Welcome to life after death!! ;)

So looking back over the last year, it has been to say the least, a very interesting/eventful year. It started out with me going back to school, being asked to be a coach in the Rainman Poker program, going to Vegas for the first time, dropping out of school, going to LA, visiting Vegas again, back to LA, getting arrested in Kansas, moving out on my own, and getting a job. Told you, very interesting, and very eventful.

Some of this I have discussed in past entries, so I won't go into great detail on all of these happenings. With all the good and bad things that have happened this year, I can't complain too much. I would like to think I have learned alot, about life and poker. I've also experienced more this year than I ever could have imagined.

Looking at the rest of this year, and all of next, I am very much looking forward to it! While I am not doing for a living, what I would like to be, it could be worse ;) Yes, I am still playing poker, not as much as I would like, but I'm still playing. I currently work 3rd shift at a local grocery store, and while I don't like the job so much itself, I do like the people I work with, and get along with them very well.

So what's in store for me in the future? Well, I will continue to be working my job I don't like....at least for the time being ;) I will also continue to play poker(until the government tells me I know longer can). I am also going to work on my relationships with my friends, and other special people in my life...I sure hope they know who they are ;) I am also currently dating someone that I hope to continue to be with for a long while(not bad for someone that is "drawing dead" when it comes to women).

As for goals, both poker, and personal, I will save that for closer to the end of the year....I PROMISE to update my blog again before the year ends ;)

Ok......

So I know I promised not to get into the drama on here again, but I felt the need to clear some things up...

Some of you may have been following what has been going on 2p2 with Nick, and the charity money. I am happy to say that it appears this issue is being resolved. Ray did some extensive work, and it appears that it might have paid off. I say "appears" because until I see some physical proof that the donation has been made, I will still have my doubts. That's all I'm going to say about this as I did not have any part in the donations to begin with, but was there to help support Ray on his mission. Nice work Ray!!

There were also a couple things Nick brought up in the comments section of the Mad Poker Episode 10. Bodeye was a saint in LA, and obviously put up with much more than I ever could have. He was a confidant with me out there, and was really the only person I felt I could talk to on a daily basis out there. Without him, I probably wouldn't have been out there more than 2 weeks, let alone 5. He helped me out alot while I was out there, with my poker, yes. But even more with the emotional part of the experience, and yes, as Nick pointed out...financially. When I say financially, I don't just mean from the poker aspect, but on a personal aspect as well. It is true that Bodeye paid for some car repairs for me the day before I left, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to make it to Las Vegas with them, let alone Iowa, which is where I truly wanted to go. Since I have been back, I have talked to Bodeye, and assured him that I WILL be paying him back as soon as I can. I intend to keep this promise, and will pay him back as soon as I am able.

I also wanted to address the childish comment made by Nick when he said "You were so creepy and disgusting that I had to ask you to leave my house and you refused since my girlfriend was uncomfortable being alone in the house with you"......

Well, first of all..this is Nick's attempt at saving face, and trying to make himself look better in this situation. I was not wanting to leave the house at 2am to drive from LA to Vegas when I had already been up since 8:30-9am that morning already. I didn't want to, nor was I planning on leaving until the next morning at a more reasonable time. I was not refusing to leave, just wanted to have a good night's sleep under my belt before I made the drive. Once you SUGGESTED that I go to Vegas early then, and meet up with Ray, I did, but only after I was able to adjust my original plans.

As far as me being "creepy" and "disgusting", I guess that's your opinion. However I must not have been too hideous as you weren't in such a big hurry to find me a place when I got out there like you said you were going to. You told me that I might have to spend a few days on the couch while WE found me a place to stay. Well, that "few" days turned into 5 weeks, as in the WHOLE time I was out there. You didn't even have the Vegas home set up until a week before I left. For the record, when you say WE, that does include you...that does NOT mean that you have me walking around the neighborhood, and looking on Craigslist for listings, and having ME call them, and send emails to them. Then having ME go look at them, then have the nerve to ask ME to put my name only on the lease for a whole year when I was only going to be there for a few months?? What part of that was YOU Nick?? It was only after I absolutely refused to put my name on the lease, and Aaron and Bodeye convinced you that it should be YOU to put your name on the lease, not me, that you finally filled out the rental application. If I was so creepy and disgusting, why weren't you putting in more of an effort to get me a different place? Either I wasn't THAT creepy and disgusting, or you were just too lazy...So which one is it?

Well, I think it's about time I get off my soapbox with this. I have wasted enough time on him, will try not to waste any more. As far as a poker player, I think Nick definitely knows what he's doing, but I also believe that if he even dedicated a fraction of the time that he spends on poker on his social skills, it would make a WORLD of a difference.

Class in session...

First off, I know it's been ages....but here's a HOD. I will say this, I was due to deal a beat like this. You may recall that I had a similar occurence take place earlier this year. The big difference was that my opponent had KK and I had AA. Also, I got all my money in preflop with my AA, this guy, not so much. He checked the flop, and did allow me to catch up on the turn...once I hit my set on the turn, I'm going nowhere. He just got extremely unlucky when I hit my 9 on the river. After that flop he was 99.9% to win the hand...well thank you Mr .1%....you came through for me this time.

The title of this blog however was not about the HOD. It actually refers to something going on in my personal life. I know, I said in the last blog that I would stick to poker, and I intend to. HOWEVER, this part is so important that I just have to mention it. I actually have a class tonight, no, not one at a college or anything like that. It's a parenting class that I need to take to make sure my divorce is finalized. Yep, after tonight, all that divorce paperwork can finally be processed, and I will officially be divorced!

I wanted to give praise and credit where it's due.... A former student of mine that I ran into at the $3 90s yesterday, not only took me out in that tournament, but made it through a field of 648 people to take down his 2nd 1st place finish in "The Ferguson" last night. The game of the night? Razz....my favorite ;) Congrats to GRZA on his win, you deserve it!!

Done with drama....

So....since my last blog, there has been alot said. Who was I talking about? Why was I talking about it? People happy I was saying something....Some not so happy....

To those of you who are happy I brought up what I did, and knew exactly who I was talking about, I thank you for your kind words and support!! For those that didn't know who I was talking about, you may know by now. Lately I have not been too quiet, and have let my feelings be known about this guy. There are some that do believe what I am saying, and then there are obviously others that won't believe me no matter what I say. For those that won't believe me, and are not happy with me saying what I have said, I feel sorry for you, because you will see soon enough what kind of person he really is.

I have realized recently that no matter what the truth is, people will believe what they want to believe. When I say I am done with the drama, I do mean it....at least in the public eye. I will not be airing the dirty laundry for everyone to see and hear. But if you honestly want to know what I've experienced, I'll be more than happy to talk more with you.

Anyone wanting to talk further about this, feel free to contact me on skype: josh.orent

For the record, any and all future posts will be poker related, and will not have to do with the drama. I also have never doubted his poker ability, I believe he can be very good(he is proving it in the ME as we speak)....it's just that I never got to see it while I was with him. I do wish him the best of luck, but no matter how well he does there, that does not change what kind of person he is on the inside.....Til next time everyone.....

What a journey..

Ya, so I pulled up a friends blog, and realized that it had been FIVE weeks since my last post...YIKES, guess I'm long overdue...

Well, to start off, I want to say that my trip back from LA was much more adventurous than my trip OUT to LA. I will say this, my time out in LA was very much a life changing experience, and I'm glad I went. Just wish I had been able to see more, and do more while I was out there. So how was it a live changing experience if I didn't get to see or do all that I wanted? Well, let's just say I learned alot about people in general while I was out there, and learned alot about myself.

I have had some people back home here tell me that I had alot of growing up to do, and alot to learn about life in general. Well, after spending about 5 weeks in LA, I realized that there are people in much worse shape than I when it game to growing up, an learning alot about life. Granted, they were right, I did have alot to learn, and I did have some growing up to do....HOWEVER there are people that THINK they are more grown up than they are, and think they KNOW alot more than everyone else. I won't name any names, but lost alot of respect for a couple guys while I was in LA, these guys were people I looked to for advice at times before I even went out there, and put alot of weight in what they said. I now realize that there was one person that deserved that respect all along, and that had helped me the most not only while I was out there, but while I had been here as well.

For you younger guys out there, life is not about putting everyone else down, bossing people around just to make yourself feel better. It's about earning that respect from others, not feeling like it's just owed to you.

Part of me wants to let alot of people know what one person in particular is REALLY like, but I will not stoop myself to his level just to make myself feel better. I will say though, that whatever I say about him would be the truth, something he evidently can't quite get a grasp on.

Maybe down the road I will open some people's eyes to some reality, but for now, I will just bite my tongue and move on with life ;)